january:
01st
new year's day
03rd
KALIA's b-day
12th
SARA's b-day
14th
LESLIE's b-day
16th
JOVANA's b-day
20th
manhattan,ks (depart)
fort bragg,nc (arrive)
ADAM's b-day
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SUNDAY 04TH JANUARY 2009
11:49-PM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
Listening - "FULLY ALIVE"-FlyLeaf FlyLeaf
"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers."
-- Proverbs 06 : 16 - 19
I just purchased a couple of nifty "as seen on TV" products. No, I didn't drop hundreds of dollars on kooky, crazy bobbles. I'll use these items regularly if they're half as good as the people on television claim them to be. And I ordered three (03) of one (01) item so I could give two (02) away as gifts and keep one (01) for myself. I won't spill the beans on what I ordered because I know my sister drops by every once in a while and I don't want her to discover one (01) of the gifts she'll be receiving for her birthday. I'm already very anxious to receive the products! Hopefully I'll be busy and will forget, only to be surprised in a week or so by a "package slip" in my post office box.
Today I realized that last month my humble site here turned six (06) years old. It's funny that I can read what I wrote that many years ago. I mean, I've been recording my days and weeks and months since being stationed in upstate New York. I have the snowy, frigid days and nights there covered, my first deployment to the desert, my year in Alabama, my second trip to South Korea, a vacation to the Philippines, arriving in Kansas and heading on my second deployment, ... and interred is also the many comings and goings of the many people in my life, events, promotions, successes, defeats, frustrations, ...
I don't have any plans at all to stop "blogging" this year. (I don't like the term "blogging" in the least; I think my distaste for it stems from my writing and posting on the internet began before "blogging" was called blogging and became a major part of popular culture.) So I expect to continue journaling right here in 2009. So if you're one (01) of my small handful of readers, don't think I'm planning on disappearing anytime soon. This year should be full of a great many changes in my life. There's a lot going on: I'm heading back to SFAS for another shot at making the cut, there's talk of a deployment for my unit, I'm going to get my educational pursuits back on track, and before June rolls around I'll need to raise my right hand and tack more years onto my enlistment.
Yes, for the record, these days I'm planning on being a Soldier for at least twenty (20) year; amazingly enough, I'm almost halfway there, this July I'll celebrate nine (09) years in the Army. That's something else considering how rough and rocky a time I endured throughout my advanced individual training (AIT). But here I am on the other side of eight (08) and a half years. So in other words, this site will continue to revolve around my life in the Army for at least the next dozen years. But hey, who here on earth really knows what the future holds. The Army is just a good place for me now since I don't have all the pieces in place in order to get out comfortably. Plus I really enjoy being a Soldier. The Army and I have come a very long way since my days steeped in anxiety and depression while in AIT.
Currently, I'm in the market for a portable music player. However, I'm not the iPod type so it'll be something non-iPod. Even though I'm seriously thinking about purchasing a Mac, I won't be utilizing iTunes of purchasing an iPod. All the music I have on my hard drive has been ripped using Windows Media Player. Yes, I still purchase CDs. I'm not a downloader and I don't believe in downloading music or movies. Although iTunes and Rhapsody are methods of purchasing music, I'm just more comfortable purchasing the CD, ensuring my support of artists I enjoy listening too. So I'll need to get a player which supports that format, which shouldn't be too tough. I've found a few on the internet but haven't decided what storage capacity I should get. A previous version of Windows Media Player used to display how many hours of music I had in my library, but this current version does not. However, the music folder on my external hard drive reflects just under 20GB of songs. I suppose something in the 80GB range would be great. I'm mostly interested in it to use in the car. I don't have a CD changer installed so it's either a radio station or constantly taking CDs in and out of the player. And since I like to do long haul, ten (10) to seventeen (17) hour long, drives it'd be great to not have to constantly change CDs. I'd love to be able to just hook the player into my car and have it shuffle through my music collection. So most likely I'll be writing about a portable music player purchase in the coming weeks or the next couple of months.
And of course since it's the night before the first workday of the week, I'm up late and will probably be awake a few hours into the early morning. I have a heat pad on my back so we'll see how it feels as I go through my Monday. If I twist or turn it'll be sore, so I'm just kind of trying to take it easy so as not to injure it further. I think I should be good to go in a couple of weeks. This of course is ruining my level of physical fitness as there's no way I can strap a ruck sack on my back and march for miles. I hope DAVE will have good news for me when I explain to him that 20 January wouldn't be the best time for me to go to SFAS. I'm hoping there won't be any problem at all to move my class date to March. Tomorrow will bring that answer, so hopefully it'll be the answer I'm wanting. If not, well, it'll be regrouping and rethinking time. But no worries, it's going to be what it's going to be!
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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SUNDAY 04TH JANUARY 2009
10:10-PM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
"'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?'"
-- LUKE 12 : 25 & 26
"LAQUAWNA, ...
... how are you? How's the schooling going? Most importantly, how are you enjoying the great state of Texas? Ha! No, I'm joking! Most importantly, how are you? I haven't really heard from you since you returned from Japan, at least not regularly. You haven't forgotten all about me have you? Nah, I know you haven't. I know you're in school and having to deal with getting trained and training your dog. I can only imagine how tough that'd be. But I know when all is said and done you'll have done your best and come out on the other side a success.
Anyway, I know you occasionally frequent my site here; if you're reading this I'd love to hear from you. I don't think you'll still be in Texas when I'm planning to be on my way down there sometime in March or April, but if you'll be, I'll definitely come through and visit while on my way to south Texas. So let me know, and if you don't have my number email and I'll get it to you. I must know about this "craziness" you claimed to be going on. Hang in and hold on; I trust 2009 is treating you well so far. I can't wait to hear from you, it's been too long and we have a good deal of catching up to do!"
"JESSICA, ...
... sure enough, I forgot to return your call. I apologize. I don't even have a good excuse because I didn't do much at all today. Ha! And of course I won't be calling this late. You'll hear from me tomorrow though, which I'm sure is when you'll be reading this. Well, okay maybe not, I doubt you'll be reading this tomorrow. But hey, if you are, know you'll be hearing from me before the day is through.
I hope you had a great Christmas and partied ever so responsibly to welcome 2009! I know things are tough for you since your best chum headed to another part of the planet. But you'll be fine. I'm sure you talk at least a couple times a week huh? And continue to make plans to visit or meet somewhere from some rest and relaxation. It's too easy to travel if you have the means and money these days. I trust you won't let a few things like oceans and international boundaries keep you two (02) apart! Ha! I know you're doing just fine and taking care of your family.
If you're not away when I come down to visit my parents I'll be seeing you in a couple of months. Are you still in the same place in Harlingen? I think I can remember when to make the left turn. *squeeze* Ciao for now JESS!"
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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SUNDAY 04TH JANUARY 2009
6:16-PM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock."
-- Psalm 27 : 04 & 05
"Undo"
Rush Of Fools
I’ve been here before
Now, here I am again
Standing at the door
Praying You’ll let me back in
To label me
A prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I’ve been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one
Who can undo what I’ve become
I focused on the score
But I could never win
Trying to ignore
A life of hiding my sin
To label me
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I’ve been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one
Who can undo what I’ve become
Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
You are the only one who can undo
You’re the only one who can undo
What I’ve become
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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SUNDAY 04TH JANUARY 2009
5:35-PM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
Listening - "FAITHFUL"-BROOKE fraser Albertine
"You have persevered and have endured hardships for My name, and have not grown weary. ... I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first."
-- Revelation 02 : 03 & 19
So far so good. My Eagles are up by two (02) points and have just held the Vikings to a three (03) and out on the first series of the second half. The offense isn't looking spectacular, but I'm hoping they were able to get the motor reved up for the second half. Unfortunately they weren't able to get it into the endzone on a couple of drive, settling for a couple DAVID aker field goals. I trust they'll be able to move the ball as well as I know they're capable of doing; DONOVAN will move the ball steadily downfield and be able to make some good plays. It's going to happen and I don't suspect to be hoping for a comeback at any point in the game, ... they'll keep the lead and end up the victors today.
Nothing will be sweeter than my Eagles going head to head with their division rival Giants and ending the defending Super Bowl Champion's quest for another Super Bowl win. It's going to be a big deal because they defeated the Cowboys to get into the playoffs when the cards were stacked against them. At the beginning of the season many thought the Cowboys were going all the way. Nope. There season ended without an appearance in the playoffs compliments of my Eagles. And yes, the Cowboys are in their division as well. Sweet. I can't wait to watch my Eagles get it accomplished today and then send the Giants packing in the next round.
CHRISTINA left this morning. We both woke up sick. I've shaken mine off though, it was just that morning stuff. She called to say she was leaving at 12:00 and then sent me a text message to let me know she reached Oklahoma City; that was about an hour ago. She's enjoying pasta in her cushy Courtyard by Marriott hotel room. I suggested hot tea and an early bedtime before an exciting day of signing in and officially beginning her stint as an Army recruiter. I'm very happy for her, she needed the change and she's confident about what the assignment and the future holds for her. That's important. She's really starting 2009 off with change alright. Odds are it'll be a positive change in her life. Good for her!
Okay, tomorrow will be the start of a full week. There'll be no holidays or days off and many Soldiers will be returning from different parts of the country now that Christmas is past and the first of the year has come and gone. Yes, here we go, it's already four (04) days into 2009. There's much to do but my main focus tomorrow will be linking up with my SF recruiter and talking about pushing my SFAS date back to March. I'm pretty sure March is the last month I'll be able to make an appearance given my rank. I'm definitely hoping that's the case and my date can be moved. Being sick and having a sore and uncooperative back for the past couple of weeks really took a toll on my body and level of physical fitness. I'm sure I'm not ready to head to Fort Bragg for SFAS if it means I'll be leaving 20 January. I haven't decided what I'll do if March won't be an option. On one (01) hand I could double my training efforts during the three (03) weeks I'd have left, or I could decide that going when I'm not 100% wouldn't be smart. I wouldn't want to mock the course by going when not 100% and furthermore, I wouldn't want to risk injury; I'm stubborn and if there I'd keep giving and giving and giving up early or bowing out would be the last thing on my mind. That's when injuries occur. So yeah, I don't know. I won't get worked up about it tonight though. I'm going to just enjoy the rest of the football game and tend to that issue tomorrow morning.
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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SATURDAY 03RD JANUARY 2009
8:02-AM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
"There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins."
-- Ecclesiastes 07 : 20
I just woke up, fresh from about three (03) hours of quality sleep. Yes, I know, I've been sick and should have gone to bed much earlier; I guess I was psyched that I wasn't coughing my insides up at 10:00 last night. What can I say I'm a night owl; of course I haven't much to show for the many, many hours I've been totally conscious in the dark for the past eleven (11) years or so. Don't get me wrong, I have intentions to be productive when the sun goes down and have been on occasion, but it's not the norm.
I suppose I'll be eating Chinese food for breakfast. Ha! A few weeks ago I discovered that I could order from The Pita Pit via the internet. Since that discovery I've used delivery.com for just that purpose. Once however, I received a phone call from a delivery.com representative notifying me of the restaurant being closed. And so that evening I had to choose another food option. Anyway, I ordered a couple of pitas yesterday and after about ten (10) minutes the phone shook. I answered and was greeted by an Indian accent. I couldn't make out everything he was saying but I did understand he was calling from delivery.com about my order. I hung up figuring I'd placed the order before business hours and it had been cancelled. So I tracked back to delivery.com and decided to place an order for Chinese food since I wasn't in a pizza kind of mood.
I can remember the last time I ordered Chinese food or ate it purely of my own choosing: It was soon after I first arrived at Fort Riley, Kansas back in November of 2006. I don't dislike it, but I'm never in the mood for it and never crave it. I suppose it's a popular food option in military circles since everyone's been in training and has been left with the age old decision of what to order after a day of training: pizza or Chinese food. Plus, they're usually open late, so it's an easy, cheap, and fast food option. I just would never choose it if given the option. This will most likely be the first and only time I'll order it in the span of 2009, unless I'm in a group setting and it's what's being eaten. Now Thai and Filipino food, totally different story!
Anyway, if that was the end of the story, all would be just peachy. It's not. I received a call from The Pita Pit. It was a delivery guy who asked if I'd come outside. Sure enough, the order had gone through. I'd receive two (02) fat pitas and three (03) containers of Chinese food (Sesame chicken, sweet & sour chicken, vegetable fried rice and dumplings) in the span of twenty (20) minutes, a good amount of food even for me. I decided to do a half and half kind of thing, eating one (01) pita and half-sized portions of each of the Chinese dishes. Needless to say, there was going to be leftovers. So I'll be eating Chinese food throughout the day. And yes, it'll prove to be my Chinese food fix for many months to come.
Since I've been sick I've devoted much of my time to playing "Fallout 3" on the XBox 360. The graphics are amazing and the storyline is simply insane. It's an open-ended kind of do-what-you-like, go-where-you-want game. There are quests and missions you go on. It's half role-playing adventure and half first-person shooter. I bought it the very same day I bought FarCry 2 and I fell in love with it's storyline of traversing Washington D.C. in the wake of a nuclear explosion which destroyed most things, leaving only bomb shelters called vaults which are inhabited by whole communities and where my character is born. Above ground mutant beasts of all kinds roam along with various factions and clans survivors. Anyway, it's fun. When I finished traversing the African landscape as a mercenary in FarCry 2, I went back to the first came I fell in love with on the system. I've been building custom weapons, killing creatures, picking pockets, going on quests, and leveling up for the past few weeks now.
I'm still just a recreational gamer. I'm light-years from anything close to being a hardcore gamer. It's just entertainment to break up the day. However I must admit I spent much of yesterday gaining experience points and attempting to build all the custom weapons in the game. My successes and frustrations playing the game are much like living life. That's not to say I'm making any parallels in regards to my life being anything like traversing a world which had been plunged into fire and radiation. I mean sometimes the emotions I go through while playing mimic my handling of circumstances or just happenings in life. Take my trying to find a building using a map and strategy guide. The location is on the map, and it's mentioned in the strategy guide; in the game however, I'm walking in circles trying to get to the entrance amidst the rubble. I'll go one (01) way and then get turned around after coming right back where I began. I despise having to go underground or underwater when playing video games. Those two (02) locales are always the most dangerous. At points while playing I feel as if I'll never find a way in or a way out or be able to get past this part of the game or destroy this or kill that. Early this morning I just stopped playing because I'd found myself trapped in a hotel. Sure, I'll probably pick up the controller sometime today and in no time find my way out. This is like life for me sometimes.
Sometimes things are great: I have all the health I need, my ammo levels are topped off, and I'm leveling up and finding quest items as if I'd programmed the game. But then there are other times where I'll put tasks off, someone will threaten to upset me with words or deeds, I'll get turned around and lost, and I'll just want to stop and regroup. Video game playing and life living. Similar. And sometimes I'll step back and take a time out to get my bears, work my confidence level up again, find some ammunition, and once again head out to face my day-to-day life. Yes, playing and living sometimes parallel each other. I'm just glad the game and life don't and that I don't have to face the wastelands of Washington D.C. everyday. I don't think I'd be able to come nose-to-nose with super mutants too many times before feeling just a little less than capable. Of course my character in the game is somewhat of a rouge loner; I have good friends, a loving family, and GOD on my side. And in that respect I guess the thought of a super mutant, even a super mutant behemoth, doesn't seem so threatening after all.
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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FRIDAY 02ND JANUARY 2009
11:47-PM-(UTC/GMT -6 Hours)
"Then JESUS declared, 'I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty.'"
-- JOHN 06 : 35
"CHRISTINA, ...
... Yes, I'm up late. Somethings never change. I'm not coughing much though, I'm just up. I trust you're sleeping soundly in anticipation of your trip in a day and a half. You're finally leaving Fort Riley. Congratulations! *squeeze* I'm proud of you, but not for the reasons you probably suspect. Well, okay, a few of them, but more so the simple accomplishments and changes you've made in your life in the last few months. Those changes were evident and you've grown a lot since May. Why and how you've put up with a stubborn and moody me I'll never know. I'm glad you did though and I feel extremely fortunate to have someone who cares as much as you. *squeeze* Thanks! I apologize for not making that abundantly clear much more often.
I'm excited that you'll be moving on and doing something which suits you much more than sitting around in an electronics shop in Kansas. I know you'll switch your specialty when the time comes to decide if recruiter is right for you or not. If I were able to leave mine and do something I'd be able to wrap my heart around I wouldn't look back if given the option to remain. I'm glad you were selected and given that push; I don't like to think about what you'd do if you hadn't. Don't' get me wrong, you would have been just fine but often times having that get up and go to make major life changes is tough. And here you're on the other side of training and feeling confident about what you'll be doing when you get to your new duty station.
Sure we annoy each other and we don't necessarily always express what's on our minds for one (01) reason or another. Whatever the future holds for us individually however, we'll share together because no matter what happens or where, at the very least we'll be dear friends. There is a lot about you that's good and it's great to see you're finally beginning to realize that you deserve good things and that you realize they're worth working diligently and intently to gain. I pray you'll continue to set higher and higher goals for yourself, work hard to achieve them, and loyal to your heart desires. You're doing just fine. Send me your address as soon as you're settled. Stay humble and stay true to your faith!"
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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THURSDAY 01ST JANUARY 2009
2:02-PM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
"You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first."
-- Revelation 01 : 03 & 19
It's 2009 and I've been stationed here in Kansas for over two (02) years now. Time surely is flying and I can't really say I've accomplised too much in that time. Well, the first few months I did since I spent the first seven (07) months or so of 2007 in Iraq. But since getting back to Kansas 18 August 2007, I can't say I've accomplished very much at all. And sure, it's nice to take a few months off and take time to just relax and not take too much on at once, but I've fallen into an almost comfortable rut. Hm.
This day two (02) years ago I was trying to get some shut eye after a not so late night with a couple of high school friend. Good times. JESSICA and I met up with MIKE and had a bit of an adventure at a hole in the wall place in Harlingen. Yes, I was living dangerously back then.
MONDAY 01ST JANUARY 2007
12:27-AM-(UTC/GMT -6 hours)
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."
-- Romans 12 : 10
I woke up a few minutes ago courtesy of fireworks. I'm hoping the last of 'em will be fired off soon so I'll be able to crawl under the covers and resume my sleep. Yes, I spent another new year's eve watching as much of the SciFi channel's Twilight Zone marathon as I could before heading to bed many minutes before the stroke of midnight. I slept in increments of about a half hour apiece as I was awoken by fireworks and being too hot. But soon I'll be able to get some good uninterrupted sleep. I expected JESSICA to call yesterday to say that something was going on for the holiday but she didn't; she just sent a text message an hour or so ago wishing me a happy 2007. I sent my own greetings to a few friends using the same method of communication. But I pretty much slept through the very end of 2006. Well, I dozed as the cacophony of fireworks at the stroke of midnight did everything but lull me to sleep.
I'm more than ready to get back to Kansas. It's been a nice vacay spent with family and a few of friends. MIKE met up with JESSICA and I after we couldn't really think of anything to do the night before last. We'd seen a movie, "A Good Year", and had dinner at a rather pricey resto. She wasn't in the mood for Mexican food so I stopped at the only resto which wasn't Mexican or fast food. It was just about worth the price though. She had a steak but I decided on fettuccini alfredo topped with salmon. It was delicious. After dinner we ran out of ideas so she called MIKE and he said he'd do some thinking. She figured he wouldn't call back but he did, saying he'd been pretty much all set to head to bed. It turned out he decided to meet us.
We ended up at a little dive called "Philosopher Dave's" which only served beer and wine. It only took a quick glance at the fifteen (15) or so other patrons before we realized we were the youngest in the place. The bartender may have been our age but other than that there was a good deal of gray hair in our midst. But there was a band playing and after a while JESSICA decided to grab the Connect-4 game. Yes, Connect-4. I won three (03) in a row. A little Connect-4 proved to go a long way. We wrapped things up early and headed in seperate directions. I drove JESSICA back to the theatre's parking lot where she'd left her car and then headed home. Yeah, back home before 11:00 I think. We were asked at least three (03) times where we were going so early. Yeah, the "kids" were clocking out early while the older bunch was getting rowdy and staying up past their bed times. Ha!
So it's 2007. Another day, another year. I suppose time does fly. Tomorrow I'll pack and prep to head back to the Army world. I'm ready to go though, it's been a pleasant and relaxing vacay here in south Texas. I plan to hit the road bound for Kansas between 11:00 tonight and 1:00 tomorrow morning. I want to get in with a few hours to get settled before sleeping and waking up at 6:00 Wednesday morning for physical training (PT). I don't expect there to be too much to do come Wednesday but I might be in for a surprise and have more deployment preparations to take care of that day. I do hope so. I also hope it's not snowing or crazy cold. I haven't kept up with the weather reports either so I hope my drive is smooth from here to there.
Well, all the commotion has dies down so it's time for me to get back to sleep.
This year I spent the last night of 2008 on my futon trying not to cough my insides out. I'd been sick since Christmas Eve and CHRISTINA, like that night, was once again patiently putting up with my sickly self. I'm pretty stubborn when I'm sick. Well, either stubborn and difficult, or just dead to the world. But the coughing had been a problem each night I tried to get some sleep. During the day I was stuffed up and had a headache, but it was nothing compared to what racked my body when the sun went down. It was insane. I'm still trying to shake it. CHRISTINA took good care of me, going for breakfast and medication this morning before she left. I'm sure even though her head was on the other side of the futon, I kept her up with my hacking. Hopefully she won't catch it.
I'm not watching any Twilight Zone this year. The marathon is something I like to share with mom and dad. Oh sure, before I decided to liquidate all of my seven hundred (700) or so DVDs, I owned the complete set of the original series. I'd purchased it while in Iraq. (No, it wasn't a pirated set; it was the real deal purchased via Amazon.com.) I'd watched my favorites and discovered there were a handful I'd never seen. If the set debuts on Bluray it'll jump to the top of my list. Yes, though I'm trying to be a lot more selective buying Bluray, I'll most likely have just as large a collection as I did in years to come. (Useless tidbit of TED trivia: The first DVD I owned was "Being John Malcovich", which I received accidently with other items ordered from Amazon.com. I received it while in high school and the family didn't even own a DVD player.)
I guess "rut" is the wrong word. But I've definitely been too comfortable since returning from deployment late last year. Well, okay, maybe not; I did train for and attend SFAS. That was by far the most rigorous physical testing I've endured. Finished the course was a goal set and a goal realized. And right after that I performed well in ANCOC. I've done some good things for the company and platoon as well. I mean I'd like to think I'm up there in the top 5% of "doers" in my company. I'd like to think I make a difference and positive impact. But I'm not satisfied. Looking back on 2008 and the few months of 2007 upon my return to Kansas, I just wasn't as dynamic, as CHRISTINA would say, as I've been in years past. I mean really, before arriving in Kansas I came off of being a platoon sergeant overseeing over seventy (70) Soldiers. And I managed to do that with less than two (02) years experience as a Noncommissioned Officer under my belt and just four (04) as a staff sergeant. Before that, as a newly promoted sergeant, I worked alongside a command sergeant major. And again, I ran my section in Iraq, that was a chore and then some, more so just managing the personalities!
I just feel I've let myself down in that I should have done more. I procrastinated and even skimped when I could've and should've put my all into something. And even now I'm bringing loose ends into this new year. I have to tie them up as quickly as possible and then I have to just manage things and manage my life better. I don't consider this year, or myself a failure. I've a lot of things going for me and in the past two (02) or three (03) years I've really been able to learn from past mistakes and turn things around without repeating the majority of them. I don't seek perfection because falling short would only make me harder on myself. And the LORD knows I'm already very hard on myself. But here I am at the end of the year feeling as though I fell short a lot and not having enough answers for the questions.
Either at the end of this month, next month, or March, I'll be headed back to Fort Bragg for SFAS. ... I'm not sure when as my illness really kind of just halted everything for the past week. Successfully completing the course was great. But what I at first thought was a done deal, wasn't. As it turned out I didn't get selected. From that date, I had six (06) months to train before heading back. The month afterwards I was promoted to sergeant first class which made things a bit more urgent. Because of my rank, I'd have just nine (09) months to go back before I'd become ineligible. Hopefully March is nine (09) months and I'll have time to really push myself and bounce back from both my sore back and whatever illness is within me. I will talk to DAVE about cancelling my 20 January date and getting me in a March class. He'll be disappointed, but if it's possible that's what I'll do, it'll be my last shot. Granted January would be too as I wouldn't have the time to recuperate in order to go in March if I was able to get a waiver. In other words, this will be my last shot and I can't go feeling any less than 100%. So we'll see, hopefully I'll get better, be able to get back to training hard, and get back to the course in March prepared to give it my all once again. If not I'll probably go in whatever state I'm in at the end of the month. Yes, that seems pretty horrible, but there's no way I'm giving up another chance at it. Make the cut or not, however, I do have a back up plan that's in the works.
So 2009. Wow! And I didn't go home this year either. The plan was to stick around here and stay in the training frame of mind for 20 January. At first I was planning to go in December, so going home for Christmas hadn't been the plan for months. Regardless of what happens at the course I'll need to get home very soon after it's end. As soon as I'm able to hit the road I'll be leaving. I have to put in a leave request of course, but getting back from another go at SFAS is going to warrant a nice chunk of vacay time. And if I go to SFAS in March, taking leave will almost coincide with pre-deployment leave. No, there aren't official deployment dates for my company, just rumors of next summer or next fall. I'd like to squeeze in a trip to Maryland to visit CHRIS as well as a trip to the Philippines; the former will be doable, the latter a bit trickier.
I'm not one (01) to talk about resolutions or goals for the year. And while a lot of my prayers and hopes for this year are personal things like trying not to procrastinate, following through with things, spending more time in prayer and with GOD, refocusing my energies back to my first love of writing, and pursuing educational goals, ... I don't like to put these things out there as resolutions. I suppose they are though. I just want to better myself. I just want to be a better me this year. I've fallen short in a whole bunch of areas, let myself down, let others down, ... I've been too comfortable. And sure, I'm only human and I have a caring heart and I'd like to think I'm a "good person", but, ...
... I'm just hungry for change and hungry to be used as GOD sees fit. And some of the things I think back to about this past year and years past have just worked in direct opposition of the positive change I know GOD has in store for me. This year, I just want to learn to let go!
Peace be with you always. And may GOD continue to bless you.
Faith & Confidence
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